What Not to Wear

This post should probably be called What You Can't Wear Anymore or maybe The 5 Things that You Can Wear or more appropriately Another Post Wear I Bitch About Something. Today, I'd like to bitch about my wardrobe or lack thereof. Since I had Sophia and swore off all maternity clothes, I have very little to wear. Every morning, I walk into a completely full closet and pull out one of about three outfits that fit me. "Oh you must be exaggerating," you say. Ha!!! Let me detail exactly what I have that "fits"

1 pair of jeans - they are actually too big, but I refuse to buy a smaller size because eventually, I'll fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans, right? Of course, by then they'll be out of style, but it's the principle of the thing.

1 long black skirt/1 long denim skirt - these have been my summer staple so far whenever I need to look respectable.

2 polo shirts - I picked these up at Target a few weeks ago when I literally couldn't fit into anything but a t-shirt. Unfortunately, I later learned that busty women (i.e. breastfeeding Moms) should not wear polo shirts because they make you look like you have a uni-boob. Great. Thanks for the advice!

2 casual type cotton shirts - These I bought recently and apparently the v-neck and scoop necklines are better for busty ladies so I guess I lucked out on picking 2 things that actually fit and look respectably good (supposedly).

3 pairs of workout shorts - I'm not proud of these or the white, pasty legs that stick out of them, but it's getting hot here so the world will have to suffer with this fashion nightmare.

Endless supply of t-shirts - This is pretty much what I wear every day. I have three types of t-shirts. I'll describe them in descending order from the ones I have the least of which is nice, clean, unstained, well-fitting t-shirts to ones that are either too big, too small, or too stained. This second bunch might still be worn in public, but I would have to justify that by remembering that I have a newborn. Finally, the ones that I have the most of are the too big, too stained, and too deteriorated kind (some that literally have holes in them). These shirts are saved for days when I'm mostly in the house, but let's face it I'm not above wearing them somewhere like the grocery store if I didn't feel like changing.

2 sweatsuits - yup, the kind your grandma wears. I'm not proud.

Ok. That is the full extent of the clothes in my closet that I can wear right now. I'm only about 13lbs above where I was pre-pregnancy, but I think that even if I lose the weight, I'm still not going to fit into stuff. You see things just aren't where they used to be. I've tried to go to the store to buy more clothes, but everything either looks weird with my new shape or is too expensive for what I'm hoping is a temporary size issue. I've actually started walking and exercising this week not because I think that I look that bad but because I'm tired of wearing the exact same 4 shirts, 2 skirts, and 1 pair of jeans over and over again.

Plus, let's face it, Sophia is going to be 6 weeks old on Friday, which means that I'm getting dangerously close to not being able to use the newborn excuse for my disheveled appearance anymore. I suppose that sometime in the next 2 weeks or so I'll have to start wearing makeup and combing my hair again. If I don't, I hope that someone has Stacy and Clinton (hosts of What Not to Wear) on speed dial because at that point they might be my only hope.

Backward Logic

One of Hailey's favorite new words is "because." The way that she employs "because" in sentences is quite unique. Set aside the fact that she could use 4-8 "because's" in a sentence, thereby creating the longest run on in the history of man, and you are left with the use of "because" to create some very backward logic. Let me give you some of my favorite examples...

Here's a simple one that she used tonight...

"Josie's not feeling good because we have to take her to the doggy doctor."

Then, they can get a little more complex...

"I'm hungry because I need to eat macaroni and cheese because it makes me get taller because it comes in a bowl because we eat it for breakfast."

Her turns of phrase are so entertaining (although less entertaining when she's on her 6th because, and you've forgotten what the point of the sentence was to begin with). Being the daughter of an English teacher and a logic master, I can't help but rearrange the sentences and repeat them back to her every once in a while. Still, it's just so cute that I hate to force real logic on her too soon. For now, we can't translate the sentences because we have to sit back and enjoy them because Hailey is her own unique personality because she says the craziest things sometimes. It's actually quite hard to write in reverse logic...you should try it!!!

Little Miss High Maintenance

She reluctantly took the pacifier yesterday!!!

Sophia is just a wonderful, happy baby (for the most part), but I have to say that I forgot how high maintenance infants are. Or, maybe it's just that Sophia herself is a little high maintenance. She is certainly more demanding than her sister was both in the fact that she doesn't take a binky and that she hates to be wet or cold or not in someone's arms. She also isn't a big fan of the bottle, but she'll take it eventually when the milk starts to choke her. Although I have a list a mile long of things that I want to accomplish while on maternity leave, it's hard to do much other than hold her, feed her, watch her, etc. Still, I must remind myself that the reason I'm on maternity leave is to hold her, feed her, watch her, etc. That should be enough, and when it's not, she reminds me to focus on what's really important - her!

A Funny Conversation

Hailey: "Mommy, I want to ask you a question about Cato (a boy from her class). Cato said that he would come to my house this weekend and dance with me. First I'll put on my dress and then my slippers then Cato will come and he'll dance with me." (I don't know where the question went because she didn't ask me if Cato could come over. She just told me that he was coming over.)

Mom: "Did you ask Cato to come to your house or did he just offer?"

Hailey: "I asked him and he said that he would, but I didn't ask Marley. Cato is a cute boy, and he's a good listener."

Oh my...I guess this is starting already. I'm not ready for this silliness.

Breastfeeding...The Ugly Truth

If anyone ever tries to tell you that breastfeeding is the most wonderful experience in a woman's life, just look at them and say "Liar, liar boobs on fire." Because it is a lie, a lie that is perpetuated breastfeeding extremists and Mom's who are so far removed from the actual experience that they have the same rosy yet warped memory about breastfeeding as they probably have about childbirth. Let me be perfectly clear...breastfeeding is not fun!!!! Nope, it's hard work, especially at the beginning. Just to give you some context in case you've never breastfed before, you can simulate the breastfeeding experience by following these simple steps:

1. Go out to your garage, get the most coarse sandpaper you can find, take your shirt off and rub it on your nipples for 10-15 minutes. That's what breastfeeding feels like at the beginning.
2. Wear a bra 24 hours a day for 4-6 weeks. You have to protect those tender nipples and this is the only way. Now, don't you feel a little less than fresh?
3. Stuff two small watermelons (or heavy bocce balls) in your bra and try carrying them around all day long. Does your back ache yet?
4. Drop what you are doing every 2 hours so that you can sit perfectly still for 20-40 minutes. Don't move or you might as well throw a clothespin on your nipple because the baby has just bitten it off.
5. Throw away all of your cute tops that you used to wear because those won't fit you for a very very long time. Nope. It's time to invest in some XXL tops because that's all you can wear.
6. Every morning be sure that you put a nice swath of deodorant under each boob because now that they hang down to your knees, you really need to be sure that the area doesn't get as stinky as you might imagine knee length boobs getting underneath.
7. Finally, next time you are out in public or maybe at work, run into the restroom and splash some water on the front of your shirt to simulate the milk leakage that you get from time to time. As an extra bonus, you should get some sour milk and dump a little on your shoulder. That way you can smell spit up all day long.
   

If you think that I'm exaggerating, consider this...I was a C-cup before I had Hailey and Sophia. Right now, I'm an H-cup. FYI - They don't do the double D system anymore, they just keep counting up the letters. So, I'm five cup sizes bigger than I was before (and 2 underwear sizes, but let's not go there). Of course, in a few months this won't seem so bad. Sophia will be eating on some type of schedule, she'll be taking bottles some of the time, and I'll be used to my new XL wardrobe. Plus, I'll enjoy curling up each night to reconnect with her after a long day's absence. Still, right now those days seem like they are so far away, and I'm very tired. I think it's time to start her on a bottle before I lose my mind.

As bad as it sounds, I would never consider not breastfeeding. Shockingly, the advantages really do outweigh all of these disadvantages, I swear.

UPDATE

Since I started this blog in 2006, quite a number of major changes have happened in our lives. We moved from Nashville to Atlanta. Hailey is now 2, turning 3 in July, and I had a second daughter, Sophia Catherine on March 20, 2009. So, we're back to the beginning in terms of child rearing. Life with 2 kids has been quite different so far.

When we found out that we were having another girl, I was incredibly scared. There is so much drama with one girl that I can't imagine dealing with two. Plus, can you imagine when they are teenagers????

I decided to start this blog again to provide insights and thoughts about being a feminist and raising two daughters.

Respect the Mommies

Being at home with two girls for even a few days over the past few weeks gives me an all new respect for stay-at-home Moms. I've always thought that being a stay-at-home Mom would be more difficult for me than being a working Mom. I've said repeatedly that working makes me a better Mom, and I truly believe that. I guess I never realized just how much harder staying at home was. I'm honestly getting the hang of it now. I've been able to take the girls on multiple outings all by myself. I've also learned to multitask with them so that I can feed Sophia and entertain Hailey at the same time. I've got a decent rhythm going. Still, it's exhausting. If stay-at-home Moms were fairies, they would be patience talent fairies (a rare talent, indeed). Yes, I've been watching a lot of the Tinkerbell movie, and you would get the reference if you live with a 2-year-old. Anyway, I wonder what my fairy talent would be? Disillusioned fairy? Impatience fairy? No...has to be Moo Cow Fairy.

Worst Mother EVER!

Sometimes when I hear Hailey's call for "Mommy" in the middle of the night, I wonder to myself "who is this mythical Mommy character that she wants?" Surely, she is not referring to me. She could not possibly expect me to get out of my warm bed to attend to her lost glow worm, dropped blanket, unquenchable thirst, etc. I heard the call again this morning around 5:00am. Keep in mind that I've had a chest cold for a few days now so I'm not sleeping or feeling well. Regardless, I went in to find Hailey searching for her glow worm, which I quickly found and returned.

My general rule is that I will go into her room one time to be sure that there isn't an emergency, but after that she's on her own. For some reason, I broke the rule this time. We proceeded to play the call Mommy game for about an hour. She was complaining that her stomach hurt, which if fairly typical when she's hungry or has to poop. After eliminating those two causes, I finally made Daddy go in. At that point, Daddy brought Hailey into our room to "sleep." What ensued were 2 hours of screaming almost hysterically about her stomach, ears, and neck hurting. While I considered the possibility that she was really sick, I thought that the more likely scenario was that she could not sleep and wanted some attention. She got attention, Tylenol, milk, a bagel, and three episodes of her favorite show.

By the time real morning came (8:00am), she seemed fine again. She didn't feel particularly warm as if she had a fever. She was smiley and talkative. I thought the earlier 2 hours were a fluke so I let her go to school. About 3 hours later, I got a call from school. Hailey has a fever and needs to go home. Argh! So now Hailey and I are home sick, AND I feel like a horrible mother for ignoring my child's symptoms. I AM that mother who people curse for sending their child to school sick. What a horrible, crappy, cold, yucky day. Thank goodness Sophia is fine, so far.